(Women’s Special) GLOBOSEXUAL OF THE MONTH: Alexa Joy Sherman and Nicole Tocantins PART I

 

Alexa Joy Sherman and Nicole Tocantis, authors of The Happy Hook-up: A Single Girl's Guide to Causal Sex.

Alexa Joy Sherman and Nicole Tocantis, authors of The Happy Hook-up: A Single Girl's Guide to Causal Sex.

 As we conclude Women’s Week Special in honor of Women’s Month, we reveal for you today not one but two very special Globosexuals of the Month, Alexa Joy Sherman  and Nicole Tocantis, authors of The Happy Hook-up: A Single Girl’s Guide to Casual Sex.

We reviewed The Happy Hook-up last month during One-night Stand Week, but now read an exclusive two-part interview with the two ladies. Read about how their own walks of shame inspired the Happy Hook-Up, why a successful hook-up experience depends on the individual–not the gender and how far these women will go to get laid. They also share their favorite nationality in the world to sleep with, their ideal hook-up as well as disaster hook-ups (sort of).

So read on and take notes!

– JD

 

We realize this is probably long overdue–but you are the first women ever to receive the honor of Globosexual(s) of the Month. How appropriate too, as March is Women’s month. How do you feel about that?

ALEXA: I agree that it’s long overdue…not just as a woman (the species-and therefore, sex-would die off without us!) but as somebody who was far more Globosexual prior to the turn of the century. That is…er, um, how shall I say this? I’m now married with a child (and Nicole has TWINS…a term that used to refer to her pre-partum chest). So the sad truth is that most of my Globosexuality exists primarily in my past…and in my mind. So yeah, long overdue indeed-but a most appreciated honor!

NICOLE: I am both honored and scarred… I’m in a very different place now and have too much on my plate to go back to the random sexing it up of my past! Plus, being in a relationship and after having twins, nobody wants to see me naked much less myself, but back in my heyday… I would rock that crown proudly with a nice wax and a hot thong.


Would you consider yourself a Globosexual? Why?

NICOLE: I just hope you’re not saying I’m fat! All kidding aside…I had not heard the term, but I will assume it has to do with being able to keep an open mind and experience the differences we all have (or have had) sexually. Or it means, “It was cool I f-ed that Italian waiter in the ‘ladies’ room of his Beverly Hills restaurant.” (He got a nice tip, as did I.)

ALEXA: I’m still not totally clear on what a Globosexual is, but I’m picturing something totally inappropriate with either an inanimate object and/or far too many sex partners. I suppose I’m Globosexual in the sense that I used to have to fly all the way to Ireland to get laid…and I lost my virginity to a Brit. So I definitely thought globally when looking for action (at least, back in the day).


All of the above! That’s exactly what a Globosexual is. The Italian waiter is optional.
What prompted you to write The Happy Hook-Up and what inspired it?

ALEXA: We love you for featuring the book-so a huge thanks for that. As for how the book came to be…Nicole approached me with the idea back when we were both single and working in the music business (at a trade magazine called HITS). She pitched it to me as an anthology of women’s one-night-stands (what we now call “Sexcapades” in the book). She wanted to call it The Walk of Shame, which I thought was pure genius, partly because I could immediately recall about five of my own experiences that would fit. The only problem was that we were both so busy (working? Sleeping with random guys?) that we never got around to working on the book.

Then, around the time that I quit my job (at a different magazine), went freelance and got engaged (to my now-husband), I started trying to come up with ideas for books and remembered what Nicole had pitched. I went back to her and said we should interview women about their experiences, but maybe also write it as a guidebook. This was around the time that “Sex and the City” had become a huge TV hit and I’d had numerous conversations with friends who were trying to have casual sex, but not always so successfully. Nicole and I agreed that women (including ourselves) tended to either over-think or under-think casual sex and decided we should do the over-thinking for them. Or something.

NICOLE: What she said. Plus we felt like it was really needed. How many phone calls with girlfriends did we have-talking them off the ledge over their most recent walk of shame? It was time to look at it another way. We wanted to make it ok that you went out and got laid last night, and that you don’t need or want to hear from him…in fact celebrate it!


Why did you feel it was necessary and important to have a proper guide that spells out the rules so bluntly?

ALEXA: Well, here’s the thing: Whenever I tell people about this book, the guys inevitably laugh their asses off (“Do girls really need to be told how to do it? You just…do it!”), but the women typically say, “I need that book.” The simple truth is that, as easy as casual sex SHOULD be…a lot of people (including guys, though they rarely admit it) struggle with the whole notion of no-strings-attached sex and wind up getting screwed in more ways than one when they attempt it.


How would you say hooking up for women differs from men hooking up?

ALEXA: I know this may sound disingenuous, but I truly think the experience depends on the person. Some women just want to get laid, some men just want to get laid…some women want something more and/or get emotionally attached, and the same goes for men. So I don’t think there’s as big a difference as is often intimated (and anyone who wants to throw some studies at me is welcome to do so…but I contend that all research is easily skewed if you pick the right sample group).

NICOLE: It definitely depends on the individual, but I think women think about the consequences of their actions more that men do, so that’s where the differences occur. The man has always been the celebrated “bachelor”  and the woman, the slut. We say embrace your inner slut: F&*% that bachelor and move on…

 
Clearly the book is written for women, but do you think men can learn something from reading your book?

NICOLE: Women were the primary target, but as it turns out men who read the book learn a lot about women and what they’re thinking. Many men I’ve spoken to who have read the book or just had heard about it were really into the idea that women could be OK with their choices.

ALEXA: Like Nicole said, we’re helping men to realize that although women occasionally over-think casual sex, some of us really are just looking for a mindless screw now and then. We don’t want anything more and they don’t either. There’s this perception that all women who have one-night stands are either sluts or they’re trying to trap a man into a relationship. Some women actually DO just want to get off and go. Some men also approach casual sex in what’s been perceived as a “female way”-that is, they’re not entirely comfortable with it, they worry they’ll be perceived as womanizers or jerks. We’re trying to let everyone know that, so long as you’re both clear in your own minds and with each other about the expectations, casual sex can be a really wonderful thing. The woman isn’t a slut and the guy isn’t a jerk just because that’s all they want. I almost think men might get more out of this book than women.


What kind of reactions did you get after writing the book? Or perhaps even before you wrote it?

ALEXA: I got nothing but support. Truly. I don’t know if I just hang out with Globosexuals or if I’m just so incredibly Globosexual that people expected it of me. Or if I’ve already shocked and surprised people in pretty much every possible way I can, so this was just more of the same. But it really was embraced by friends and family alike in my world.

NICOLE: Total support. I was hesitant to tell my parents (a very different generation-a bit repressed…OK, more than “a bit”) but everyone was onboard.  My dad thought it was fantastic and timely. I will say that I did make a few men from my past a bit scared…

 
Would you say the tips in your book transcend cultural and national boundaries? If so, how?

ALEXA: Yes. Because casual sex is practiced universally, but rarely as successfully as it could and should be.
NICOLE: I agree that it is universal. Proof being the success we’ve had with the book’s foreign releases.

 
Can you explain a bit about how you divided up the work and the process of writing it together? What were the areas you guys didn’t agree on, if any?

ALEXA: Nicole came up with a ton of ideas and we sort of passed the manuscript back and forth, adding bits and pieces along the way. I have a tendency to make things tedious and boring, so I really relied on Nicole to bring the funny. Also, as the sort of anal-retentive magazine writer and editor, I was the one who agonized over how things were worded and organized, and I did a lot of the research (especially for the chapter on STDs, along with the statistics). We mostly agreed on everything, but it was kind of a crazy time, as we were both working day jobs and I was also planning a wedding, so I have to confess I was kind of a nightmare, melting down and placing unreasonable demands on Nicole now and then. Thank goodness she took it all in stride. She’s the most even-keeled and patient person I know!

 
What’s next!? What books/projects are you working on at the moment?

ALEXA: I’m actually working on a teen fiction series entitled FRENEMIES (which may explain why my answers have been even TAMER than those of a married woman with a kid). I also write articles for women’s magazines-mostly focusing on health and fitness, pregnancy and parenting.

NICOLE: Dishes, sippy cups with milk for the morning, another glass of wine and bed. After that who knows…?
ALEXA: See, this is why we say embrace being single while you can. Take a look at us! We LOVED it. We relished it. Now we’ve got families and kids and life just isn’t as exciting as the Globosexual of the Month title might imply. Live it up, ladies! For tomorrow, you may…not.
 

Visit tomorrow for Part II of the interview! If you know someone who would make the perfect candidate for Globosexual of the Month, please send your suggestions to globosexuals@googlemail.com

3 Responses to “(Women’s Special) GLOBOSEXUAL OF THE MONTH: Alexa Joy Sherman and Nicole Tocantins PART I”

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